Vagina teef?!

I miss those times.
This will officially be my last post on this journal. I know I've been on and off this journal, saying I'll make new ones and then coming back to this. I just can't write in these as of this point in my life. I'm too busy.

I have to let something out.

I miss the old days.
The ones that you can't get back even if you tried your hardest, built the bridges back that you've burned and spent endless time with the people trying to sort out your problems.

I know that I blame those who I used to talk to on how our friendships have failed, I stay by that. I won't say that 'Maybe if I had tried harder...' because in many relationships, that wasn't the case. This isn't a post to go "THIS IS ALL YOUR/MY FAULT", this is a reflection. I know that in many of the friendships I've had, I have said many fucked up things as well as others. I guess the only friendships that I have stayed in was the ones that were strong and true. Friendships that have started when we were younger, and have stayed until now are really the ones that make a difference. It's hard for me to explain, but I guess in little words is that those years were the toughest. You grow up and figure out what the hell you feel. Puberty is hard, and difficult for both sexes. A lot of my guy friends didn't understand the entire concept of PMS, the ones that did understand it are closer to me now. I'm guessing you get the gist of this?

For a long time, all of us were close and did everything together. If you really look back though, there wasn't a lot of things that we had in common. We listened to completely different music, watched different TV shows and movies, and held different lifestyles. Somewhere between all that, we loved one another and held some of the same interests. Wasn't it great then, when we didn't have to agree on everything and love every bit of each thing that we did, to talk?

I look now on today, I see myself and I see that I've changed. I've grown up a lot, and I might not be some mature adult with an insane job, but that isn't what I strive to be. I'll always be a free spirit, and the way my life is now is working fine for me. I'm moving in less than 5 months and I'm going to be with my friends.

I honestly have nothing left in new york with an exception of few friends put aside. That's it. Everyone else who I have seemed to have talked to for a long time either disappeared or became someone I barely know. At first I tried to struggle against the change, I didn't want us to grow apart. Now I see what everyone has become, as well as myself, and I see it's better off this way.

You can't go back, no matter how much you want it. You can't go back in the tree house and color those walls. You can't go back to the library and chug a bunch of pepsi blue, you can't go back to the woods and do the random-little-dumbshit things you used to do.

Remember when we used to sing, and draw each other with chalk? Remember when we used to play dress up, put on obnoxious makeup and take really stupid pictures? Card games, throwing a freaking ball, monopoly? It was the life. We'd walk everywhere cause we had no cars, we had no money.
We'd talk about our dreams, and how life would be when we all got an apartment together. We never imagined our life without everyone else in it, and despite you being a man you were going to be my maid of honor at my wedding.

It's all gone now, it sort of sucks.

As much as I say that you can't go back, it isn't like it hurts me none. I say all this with a heavy heart, even if all of you have moved on. I guess it's my turn to let go all of these emotions, I'll always have these memories though.

"You can't take a picture of this, it's already gone"

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